Why the Fight?

I have always been very aware of my body. I grew up always slightly, sometimes considerably, overweight. My parents are both overweight and have never been careful to talk about their own poor body image in front of their kids. My grandma use to tell me every week that “we” were going to start a diet on Monday. My 5 brothers are all naturally tall and lean and would harass me about being chubby. My mom is actually naturally lean and was a size 4 after having 4 babies. After 3 more, her weight got higher and higher and I now only have memories of her heavy and openly wishing for the body she use to have. I have never known what “skinny” felt like so I have never had much sympathy for her.

I think about my weight constantly. Whether it’s the thought of what to wear in the morning and how will I look in it, or how many calories are in the meal I’m about to eat, my weight is always on my mind. Sometimes the thoughts aren’t negative. Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel possibilities and the vague idea of pride. Sometimes, however, all I can think about is how I’m failing at losing the weight. I’m not working out enough. I’m eating too much. My genetics are cursing me. It’s a problem.

I try and remember the reasons I’m trying to lose weight in the first place. I would be lying if I didn’t say the number one reason is to look good. I want to know what thin feels like. I want to know how it would be to be able to walk into ANY store and find clothes that fit, and even not in the largest size available. I want to be able to sit in a group of people and not cross my arms over my stomach. There are so many things I dream about when it comes to the actual size of my body.

But there really are so many other reasons I want to lose the weight.

*I want to be healthy. I am terrified of death and anything that brings it closer scares the shit out of me. I want to live as long and as healthfully as possible.

*I want to be one of the active, fit people I see all over the place and feel jealous of. There is no reason I can’t be the active woman I wish I was.

*I want to set a good example for the people around me. I sooo wish my Dad would lose weight. He has always been a big guy and has only gotten bigger over time. He has knee problems, back problems, high blood pressure and horrible self-esteem. He has been so supportive of me losing weight and has probably taken more notice to the changes in my body than anyone else. If I could inspire him to get active and lose some weight, my fight for myself will be worth it.

*I want to prove that my genes aren’t a curse. If I can get to a healthy, happy weight, then I will have no excuse to say that “this is the way I am and the way I will always be”.

*I want to feel confident. I am a pretty confident person in most areas of my life. I’m good at what I do, I get along with everyone, I think I’m pretty damn funny and generally pretty cool. My body is another story. I won’t even let my husband look at me naked. How lame is that? The person who loves me more than anyone, tells me I’m perfect and still wants to touch me isn’t allowed to watch me change my clothes or touch my stomach. I know this last one is mostly a mental challenge, but I do believe that losing weight will help. I already feel sooooo much more confident now than when I was at my biggest so I know every little bit counts.

Every now and then, I need to remember that this is about more than looking good. I want so much more out of life than what I get when I sit and watch it pass. My life is good and it’s going in great directions, so I need to do the things that will give me the healthiest, happiest life I can have. I deserve it.

I don’t need any of your lip…

I feel like poo. I have had a slight sore throat the last couple of days, but nothing worth crying about. Yesterday morning, however, I woke up to a top lip that might just be the size of China. I have a cold sore that has made my lip swell up beyond belief. I’ve never had a major cold sore before and definitely never on my top lip. I feel pretty disgusting and it doesn’t help that every time my husband looks at me he giggles and tells me “Stop giving me lip” or something along those lines. (He thinks he’s so clever.)

Needless to say, I haven’t really left the house the last two days. I went grocery shopping last night and I could have sworn everyone was staring at my face. I would love to go to yoga tonight but I don’t know if that is against class etiquette to go with a contagious facial deformity even if it’s only spread by direct contact. (I don’t sound dramatic or anything right?)

On the plus side, I managed to get my 4 workouts in the first 4 days of the week, so I’m set as far as my January goal goes! Woo hoo me! Also, I *think* I finally got my hubby on board with eating healthy and working out with me. We did a major grocery haul last night and our kitchen is packed with fresh produce and healthy meal staples. He has never quite picked up on my quest for healthy living/weight loss and it’s been hard for me to go at it alone. When he just wants to eat junk and never go to the gym, it’s hard for me to muster the willpower to go against the easy comfort of doing whatever he does. Hopefully, this new readiness on his part sticks…to benefit both of us. I do have concerns about my husbands health and I really wish he would take care of himself a little more. He’s not in terrible health, but he’s overweight, doesn’t ever work out and eats crap. He’s 12 years older than me, so it’s a huge fear for me that he will die sooner than he should which will make me far too young to be a widow.

Ok, I didn’t mean to go off on that but it is definitely things I think about! I hope you all are having a great month!

PS..here’s a bad pic of my lovely lip. Keep in mind, my bottom lip is pretty big on its own, so at the moment I feel like a herped version of Lisa Rinna.

Success!

Hello friends! How has your week been? Mine has been pretty awesome, not gonna lie. I have been working a ton…AND working out a ton! The last thing I left you with was my January goal of working out 4x per week. I know for most people this is like second nature and happens every week. For me, not so much. I am a woman full of excuses. There is always some grand reason why I just can’t make it to the gym after work. (Sorry Charlies, working out in the morning is just not an option. I am the biggest night owl ever and I have never been able to make myself an early riser.)

Last week, not only did I meet my goal but I exceeded it! I got my little ass to the gym 5 times! 4 time I went and ran on the treadmill. I got at least 2 miles straight running each time which is pretty awesome for me. I also did some good strength training and ab work. Then of course there was my Monday night kickboxing class which I went to again tonight. It kicks my ass every time and I keep going back for more. (It helps that the teacher has pretty much the ultimate body. She’s strong, toned, fit and still has some awesome curves. I will do all the squats, pushups, jabs and kicks she wants if I can have 1/4 of her body shape.)

This week I have already gone twice so things are looking good!

Other than working out I have been stressing over planning a baby shower for my boss, trying to get pre-approved to buy a house, getting tax information together, watching my niece 2-3 times a week and living everyday life. I’m hoping things slow down a little bit soon(wishful thinking). I promise I will start taking some pictures of life too so that my blog becomes more than just words. (Pictures really are so much better…right?)

But as for this quickie update..I’m just happy I’m doing the right thing for the moment! I will be back soon!

Happy New Year!

I swear I have not abandoned the blog world. I read all my favorites every single day. I’m still here and still fighting the good fight..although the last few weeks haven’t seen much good fight.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season! From Thanksgiving to Christmas to New Years, I hope you all got everything you wanted and more. 2009 was a slow year for me and I am planning on making 2010 a full and happy one! There are a few things I hope to achieve this year:

*Buy a house!

*Take a couple of great vacations! Baby making years are on the horizon and there is lots I want to see and do before I dive into mommyhood and jump out of the land of disposable income.

*Continue a regular yoga practice.

*FINALLY make it to my goal weight/size. I don’t care if this takes me until December 31, 2010.. I want to make it this year.

There are a few other goals I have in mind but I like to take things slow, if you hadn’t noticed by now.

For the year 2010, I decided instead of making 20 resolutions that I will quite probably break by February, I will give myself a new goal every month. From January through December, I will work on one specific thing and forget about trying to be perfect in every way. My hope is that each month, that goal will be successful and the following month I will add onto that success, instead of switching course completely.

So, for the month of January I am starting with the biggest one. I resolve to work out at least 4 days a week. I know, I know, I have made this announcement many times on the blog. The fact that it’s still an issue only proves its something to be worked on first. One might think this would be second nature to me by now, but apparently I put lots of other things ahead of that priority and it’s time that changes!

So here we go. Starting today, January 2nd, 2010… I will workout 4 times per week. Yikes.

Going with the Flow

If you have been reading my sporadic posts, you have noticed that I am struggling through a major plateau. I am still stuck in the trenches, but I have decided to shift my focus. I can only worry about the things that are in my control, not the many factors that are out my control.

I am still trying to improve my eating habits and get my workouts up to par in terms of frequency, but I have added some other goals to the list. I’m working on getting more sleep, managing my stress better and switching things up in general.

I thought I would take care of two things at once..switch things up and manage my stress. I enrolled in a beginner’s yoga course at this studio by my house. They have this program called Yoga 101. It’s a three week course on Tuesday evenings limited to 10 people. The instructor goes over all the basic of yoga, the history, poses, benefits, breathing…everything. The course also included a month of unlimited yoga at the studio. Tonight was my second class and I LOVE it!

I have done tons of classes from yogadownload.com and enjoyed all of them but I was never really sure if I was doing it right and I knew I could deepen my practice. I am into yoga not only for the physical benefits, but because of what it does for my mind and soul. I went to a Relax and Release class on Sunday that was an hour of yoga and breathing, followed by 30 minutes of meditation. I thought I would struggle through it and giggle or something, but it was exactly what I needed to relax and clear my head.

After only a few classes, I can tell I am hooked. This might just be what the doctor ordered to give my life the balance it desperately needs.

I’m on the Juice..

Back in August, I wrote a little post about my overflowing garden and joked about making wine from my grapevine.

Well, I’m not that cool so I settled for some grape juice!

I went out to the vine and picked as many grapes as my bag could hold.

Then, I de-stemmed, sorted and washed all the ones in good shape.

After moving them to a large bowl, I took my handy potato masher and mashed those bad boys up, being careful not to mash too hard so the seeds didn’t split and cause bitterness.

Then I transferred the whole bowl of mushy goodness to a stockpot and let it simmer for 15 minutes, mashing again halfway through.

Finally, I strained the juice through both a fine mesh strainer and a colander about 5 times until there was very little residue being caught by the strainer. (Note the juice splatters all over my sink. They stain, in case you were wondering.)

All there was left to do was let it cool in the fridge for a few hours, then enjoy!

It was amazing! The grapes are so sweet it needed no extra sugar. We got a good full sized pitcher’s worth out of the one bag of grapes. (My husband loved it too even though it was thick and he said it made him think of drinking blood. Yum.) I will definitely be doing this again!

And since it’s now officially snowing in Utah, I thought I would just post a picture of what I only get to enjoy here for about two weeks a year. Fall.

3 Years..

So no much is happening on the weight-loss front as of now, but there has been lots of other things going on! I went to Vegas last weekend, I have had people over to party, I made homemade grape juice the other day… All these things deserve their own posts but I thought today’s milestone was worth talking about first.

Today was my 3rd wedding anniversary! It’s so weird to think that it’s been three years since one of the most hectic, hardest and happiest days of my life. I thought today was a perfect time to participate for the first time in Flashback Friday!

Three years ago today…

I married my best friend.

(That happens to be one of maybe 3 pictures of just me and the hubs on our wedding day. Our photographer was horrible!)

My two older brothers gave me away.

We had a traditional Dutch dance…

and somehow our bodies got hoisted in the air.

I loved my cake.

We had a candy bar as our favors.

And we just had a good time.

Now, we still have a good time. Not much has changed except for him maybe having even less hair, me having less weight on my body and the black hair I rocked for so long is gone. (Today partying in front of our hardcore wood paneling.)

Love you Danny!

A Rant.

I’m feeling frustrated. I have been stuck at a total, stubborn, monumental plateau. I have been working out regularly, incorporating more strength training than ever, watching what I eat…nothing is working. I cannot budge past this weight I have been stuck at for months. It’s not like it’s just the number that isn’t budging either. My clothes aren’t fitting any better so I can’t even be positive about that.

I feel like this.

 

I do think that I’ve been eating more than I believe I am. I stopped religiously counting calories awhile ago and thought I was comfortable enough to do it on my own. I don’t think I am ready to be in that position yet. When I counted calories, I felt committed to that number. I did whatever it took to stay within range or no more than 200 calories over. I’ve never been super obsessive about it, but knowing the range I should be in and planning accordingly made me successfully stay around that number and successfully lose weight. I think it’s time to get back into the habit of tracking everything I eat. I did it before on the Daily Plate and that’s where I am headed back to.

It’s been almost 2 years since I started losing and I am nowhere near my goal. I swear I have been stuck at this plateau for almost the whole last year. I’m not sure what else to do. I am the first to admit that there is still plenty wrong with the foods I choose to eat, but that’s kind of my whole system. I don’t want blacklist any particular food if it’s something I really want. I will eat it, enjoy it and try my hardest not to feel bad about it. I guess I have just been letting myself have those moments way too often.

I read an interview with Valerie Bertinelli (I know, right?) where she said, “I love a big slice of pizza, but I love myself more.” I want to adopt that attitude. I have the knowledge, I just want to learn how make the right choice. It’s all a choice, isn’t it?

Have you weight-losers ever suffered through a plateau? What worked for you?

With this Ring…

No matter much I fight the feeling that I look the same now as I did pre-weight loss, there are little things that shout, “You’re wrong Elizabeth! There is a difference!”. I have gone down 3 pant sizes, I can’t deny the changes in pictures of myself and my wedding ring hasn’t fit for over a year.

My ring was getting loose, right from the beginning, but it wasn’t until I lost it that I stopped wearing it altogether. I had had the ring slip off a few times while washing people’s hair at work, but when I didn’t notice my ring fall off cleaning the snow off my car one morning, I knew it was time to put the ring away for awhile. I noticed later in the morning that my ring wasn’t on my finger, but had no idea where it could be. Luckily, it was lying in my driveway when I got home that night.

I kept putting off getting my ring re-sized until I met my goal. I figured, why do it more than once if I don’t have to? Recently, however, I have really missed wearing it. I have kept mine in a drawer in my bedroom and would pull it our from time to time just to see it on my finger. (Is that sad?)

With my 3rd anniversary approaching next month, I decided to stop waiting and just get it sized. $35 and two days later, I feel like a married woman again!

(On my wedding day.)

The best part? I went down from a size 9 to size 7.5 ring. I have man hands. If you don’t know what I mean, refer to this Seinfeld episode. I have never in my life worn smaller than an 8 ring, so that felt as good as when I went down in pant size.

Too bad after my first day wearing my ring to work I have no desire to wear it to the salon again. How did I do hair with it on before?

Little Light Cookbook

I fell in love with Cooking Light magazine when I was working at my old salon and had access to every month’s edition, due to the salon having a subscription to pretty much every magazine published. When I moved to my current salon, I was so sad to discover that we aren’t nearly as advanced in the magazine world. So, I finally had to succumb and buy my own subscription to Cooking Light.

Since then, the magazines have been piling up and sharing a shelf with my cookbooks. Clutter drives me absolutely crazy and there is no need for hundreds of pages of articles taking up space in my house when all I want to save is the recipes.

I decided it was time to practice some organizational skills.

I went to Walmart (don’t judge me) and bought just what I needed. Adorable binder, sheet protectors, divider tabs and an extra folder (for any articles I wanted).

Then I made my way through my stack of magazines. I ripped out every recipe and save-worthy article, sorted them, protected them and made myself a personalized cookbook!

I love that I have space back on the shelf in my kitchen. I love that I can now recycle all my old magazines. I especially love that my lovely cookbook only has recipes I am truly interested in making. Yay for organizing! By the way, who else out there is in l.o.v.e. with the new Cooking Light format? I am!

What do you do with your old magazines?